He Stopped Loving Her Today
by kclaura2003
Summary: Rick, now the only survivor of the group left, spends his final moments reflecting on his life and marriage to Lori. Rated T for dark, depressing themes. AU, one-shot. Rick/Lori.


**Hi, there! Thanks for checking out my story. :) ****This is AU. This is supposed to be set sometime in the future, a few years have passed, and Rick is the only survivor left. ****I rated this T based on it contains suicide, not in graphic detail, but it is there and the overall tone is very sad and depressing; just a fair warning. ****"He Stopped Loving Her Today" by George Jones. I do not own The Walking Dead.**

As he limped his way through the dense Georgia pines, Rick Grimes knew he was leaving a trail of blood behind him but he didn't care. _Blood, blood, and more blood…my whole life has been nothing but a bloodbath for years now…what's a little more blood gonna hurt? _Rick thought, callously, to himself as he hobbled along, left hand reaching down to touch the spot where a walker had bitten off a good chuck of his leg. He reached an opening and looked out over an open field and in the distance he spotted a rust-colored silo and beyond that, the rooftops of a few stables. There was a farm house over there somewhere as well and for a split second the sight of it all made Rick think of Hershel.

_No…._Rick told himself. _No, don't think about Hershel…Don't think about the dear old man that saved your boy's life….don't think about his kindness, his generosity, his voice of reason…don't think about his farm…don't think about his amazing, incredibly strong daughters…don't think about any of them. They're gone. All gone. Everybody's gone…_

Rick hobbled down the slope and stumbled onto the road. Up ahead he could see heat waves radiating off the blacktop and as he limped along he could feel the sweat and grime running down his face. His face. The last time he looked into a mirror Rick hadn't recognized himself. He hadn't recognized himself in a long time, but this particular time he had seen his reflection, he had no idea who that man was staring back at him. He was in his early forties but he swore he looked like he was at least twice that age: deep, dark circles under his eyes, light blue eyes that no longer had any life in them, full blown beard, his grown-out hair that had turned to a salt and pepper color.

The wound on his leg, on the back of his left calf, throbbed excruciatingly. Rick didn't know how he left himself get bit - he had been surrounded by a group of walkers and he thought by now he was an expert at killing them all, however he made a slip up somewhere in the heat of things and one of the monsters got a hold of him.

_Musta got lazy. _Rick thought as he limped down the road, pulling on his left pant leg to force himself along. _I got lazy…I got tired. Hell, I am tired! I've been tired for a long ass time…that's why I got bit. I'm tired. Tired of it all. _

Rick glanced over his shoulder from time to time, checking to see if anything was following him, but then he scoffed at himself and shook his head at his foolish behavior.

_What do I care if any walkers are behind me? I'm as good as dead anyway._

Rick then realized he had no idea where he thought he was going. The farm house was out of the question. The place was most likely deserted and if it was occupied it was probably infested with walkers or quite possibly, there was a surviving group in there. However, Rick didn't see the point of knocking on the door in his condition, he was bitten, and the only thing anybody could do for him now was to shoot him in the head. He briefly entertained the idea of going to the property anyway - just to tell the survivors in there that they are wasting their time; all their efforts are in vain.

_I should go over there and tell whoever's in there to give it up. _Rick thought, morbidly. _I should just tell them the truth: There is no hope. You're as good as dead. Nobody is coming out of this hellhole alive. You're dead. You're all dead._

As Rick stumbled off to the side of the road, on to the dry grass, and slumped down by a wooden fence post, he knew once upon a time he never would have thought about such negativity.

_Protect and serve. That's what I do….what I USED to do. Look at me now. I tried to protect and serve so many people…and they're gone. All gone. Every last one of 'em._

He closed his eyes as all their faces ran through mind: Shane, Hershel, Glenn, Maggie and Beth, Carol and Sophia, Daryl and Merle, Michonne, Andrea and Amy, T-Dog, Dale, Morgan, Tyreese and Sasha, Karen, Oscar and Axel and -

_Carl and Judith…_Rick sat on the ground, legs spread out wide, wound still dripping blood and he carelessly let his head flop backwards on the wooden post behind him.

_My little man and my baby girl…gone. _Rick felt hot tears gathering in his eyelids.

_Oh Carl, my boy…I loved you so much…I know you got to where you hated me - resented me even! It's OK, my son. I understand…just know your daddy always tried to do the right thing…I'm sorry I failed you…but I loved you with all my heart._

_Judith…precious baby girl…daddy loved you, darlin'…everybody loved you, darlin'. You're better off wherever you are now…rest in peace, honey._

Rick heard a noise then and quickly looked around only to see nobody there. He realized the noise was from himself, a sob had escaped his throat. He took his filthy hands and roughly rubbed his face. When he was done, he looked at his hands and saw it, still there on his left hand, on the ring finger; his wedding band.

"Lori." Rick uttered his late wife's name so quietly it was almost a whisper. He slowly twisted the band around his finger, letting the gold catch in the sunlight.

He stared at it for a long time, looking at it as if he had never seen it before, even though he knew he had been wearing it for over eighteen years.

_Lori, my love…_Rick slipped the ring off his finger and held it up close to his face with both hands.

Rick knew he would never, ever forget the day Carl and Maggie had walked out of the prison - Maggie cradling his newborn daughter and Carl with a face made out of stone. Rick knew instantly what had happened - everybody did - but he still defiantly shook his head muttering: "No, no, no…!" over and over.

_That's what really killed me. _Rick thought. _I unofficially died right then and there…I have never been the same since. _

Rick played with his ring some more, twisting it around and around, admiring how after all these years and everything its wearer had been through: it still shined like new.

He remembered how torn up he was for days after Lori's death - he had completely snapped. Rick paused for a minute and shook his head.

_No. _He thought. _I'm not gonna think about that…I'm sick of remembering all the bad stuff. I'm gonna remember something good for a change. _

Rick let his mind drift by recalling the day in college where he had first met Lori. He had spotted her at some frat-house party, not his typical scene, but Shane dragged him there promising him it would be fun. As he stood awkwardly by the keg, sipping cheap beer out of a red Solo cup, he caught the eye of a girl sitting with some of her girl friends in a corner. The girl had long, curly, raven-colored hair that looked out of place next to her two platinum blonde friends that she sat in between. She wore a white crop top, ripped stonewash jeans and clunky black combat boots. Even though she was sitting down, Rick could tell she had tied a plaid flannel shirt around her waist; the new fashion trend all the girls were doing.

She would nod her head every once while, to acknowledge her friends chatting away about something, but she seemed bored like he was. As she picked up her plastic cup to take a drink, her eyes wandered across the room and landed on Rick.

Rick shifted nervously and immediately downed a gulp of beer. He could feel his face flush and he hoped she wouldn't shoot him a dirty look as if to say: What are you looking at?!

But she didn't. Her eyes lit up at the sight of him and she smiled warmly at him just over the top of her cup. Rick turned around to see if anybody was standing near him. He thought for sure the pretty girl across the room was smiling at somebody else - no way would she be interested in him, he thought. But there wasn't anyone else around where Rick stood and his doubts were erased when he saw the girl standing up and making her way over to him.

"Can I get a refill?" She asked, politely, her brown eyes twinkling. She held out her cup.

Rick stood there, dumbly for a second and then quickly snapped out of it. "Oh, um…yeah, sure." He stammered and he felt himself blush again and felt like an idiot.

_Be cool, dude. _He told himself. _Be cool…Be smooth…That's what Shane always says._

Rick refilled her cup and handed it to her. He wanted to say something, anything, but he didn't trust himself. He was too scared he was going to blow any chance he had with her.

_Hell, she probably thinks I'm just the refill guy. _He thought, cynically.

She took a sip and considered him for a minute. "So…what class are you?"

"Um…Class of '94." Rick cleared his throat nervously. "I mean…I'm in my sophomore year here."

She smiled brightly. "Me too! I'm majoring in early childhood education. And you?" She seemed genuinely interested.

"Criminal justice." Rick replied. He kept telling himself to relax; he hated how standoffish he sounded.

"Specifically in law enforcement administration," He added, quickly, and gave her a shy smile, trying to make himself seem a little more friendlier.

The girl's eyes widened with delight, impressed at his unique career choice.

"That's cool," She said. "That's really cool! So you're gonna be a police officer, huh?"

Rick nodded, excitedly. "Yeah," He answered. "Me and my buddy…he's around here somewhere -"

Rick glanced around, trying to spot Shane but with no luck. He figured it was for the best because the last time Rick saw Shane; he was running around, shirtless, yelling at the top of his lungs with a beer hat on his head.

Rick turned back to the girl and smiled as he shrugged.

"Well, he's somewhere around here…getting half-lit. But yeah, anyway, we're both going into law enforcement and we both have internships at the King County sheriff's department."

The girl chuckled. "So what's an aspiring cop doing here? You guys sowing some wild oats before you start busting up parties like this?"

Rick laughed. "Ha, ha! Well, coming here wasn't my idea. It was Shane's…my friend, you know. This…" Rick waved his hand over the room. "This really ain't my scene, to be honest."

She nodded. "Yeah, me neither." She hugged herself then, rubbing her arms, as if she was cold, but Rick then figured she was probably just as nervous as he was.

"You wanna let me walk you home?" Rick asked, tentatively.

He had no ulterior motives; he had wanted to leave a hour and a half ago, but now he desired to get away from all the noise of the party and be alone with this girl. He wanted to enjoy her company and her beauty free from any distractions.

"Sure," She answered. "I'd like that…I'm Lori, by the way."

_Lori. _He considered. _A pretty name for a pretty girl. _

"I'm Rick."

And with that, he offered her his hand and led her slowly back to her dormitory. They exchanged numbers at the foot of the steps and bid each other goodnight.

He waited three days before calling her, he didn't want to seem too eager, and they went out to dinner and a movie. It wasn't long after that they both hit it off immediately.

Rick never could put his finger on what it was about Lori that made him so attracted to her: maybe it was her gorgeous girl-next-door looks, maybe it was her meek and mild demeanor, maybe it was the way she kissed him sending currents of electricity pulsating throughout his body, maybe it was because he felt like she was _it. _She was _the one. _And she was just as smitten about him as he was about her.

Rick had popped the question to her at, in hindsight, the most inconvenient time in both their lives. They were both in their final semester of college: Rick, along with Shane, had secured a job with the King County Sheriff's Department and he was gone all the time. Lori had a position at a day care but she was having trouble finding work teaching on top of some family problems back home.

"We hardly see each other anymore, Rick." Lori quietly said to Rick one night in the apartment they now shared together. They stood in the tiny kitchen, she leaning over the sink washing dishes, and Rick leaning up against the counter adjacent to her, beer bottle in his hand.

Lori rinsed a dish and set in the wire drying rack looking solemn.

Rick took a quick swig of beer, sat the bottle down on the counter and gently took Lori in his arms.

"Well…" He began, looking into her brown eyes and stroking back her hair. "We could get married…That could fix that problem." It wasn't an impromptu decision on Rick's behalf, he had been thinking seriously about it for quite sometime, but he often wished he would have waited for a better, a more romantic time to ask Lori instead of in the dated kitchen of a shoebox of an apartment.

Lori's mouth parted slowly in surprise. "Rick…Rick, are you asking me what I think you're asking me?" A hopeful smile spread across her face.

He cupped the side of her face with his hand. "Yes, baby." He answered. And despite how ridiculous he was going to look, he did the gentlemanly thing - he knelt down on one knee, on the linoleum floor that Lori often swore had the same pattern as her grandmother's kitchen, and he took her hand in his and asked her properly:

"Lori, will you marry me? Make me the happiest man alive?" Rick felt stupid he didn't have a ring for Lori yet but he told himself it didn't matter right now: all that mattered was how she answered.

Tears glistened on her eyes and Lori was smiling so hard Rick thought her face was going to crack.

She nodded her head. "Yes." She whispered. "Yes, Rick…I will marry you!"

Lori knelt down to Rick's level and they embraced and kissed and cried together.

"I'm crazy about you, Lori." Rick whispered in between kisses.

Lori cupped his face in her hands and planted a big kiss on his mouth.

"And I love you so much, Rick."

Family and friends were supportive, albeit skeptical about the young couple's decision to marry. One of them included Shane, who was skeptical yet well-meaning.

"You really wanna get married, bro?" Shane asked Rick while behind the wheel of a squad car. Shane took his eyes off the road for a second to glance over at Rick, who was nodding his head while he gazed out the passenger window.

"I mean, I'm happy for you, man…" Shane continued. "Really, I am. Lori is perfect for you. But you're both only, like, twenty-three, right? That's really young to be settling down so quickly, that's all I'm saying. Are you sure?"

Rick kept gazing out the window, watching the pines tree whiz by.

"I've never been so sure about anything else in my life, Shane."

They were married on a brisk September day in 1994: a small wedding with Lori in her mother's ivory colored wedding gown, tailored perfectly, and Rick in a rented tux with Shane standing by his side.

Then came the typical things every newlywed couple goes through: the starter house, the joint-checking account, a little puppy dog to hold them over until they were ready for a real baby.

A baby. There's was no doubt in each other's mind they did want to have a baby together and three and a half years later, that dream came true with the birth of a baby boy: Carl.

When Rick received the news that his wife was in labor, he was miles away on patrol with Shane, and they quickly decided to take advantage of their policemen powers. Turning on the blue lights and sounding the sirens, they raced through all the stop lights and got to the hospital in record speed. As Rick held his newborn son in his arms, he cried and wondered how he could love somebody he just met so much.

Things seemed to go by blissfully enough for the young family. Rick loved his job, Lori gave up teaching to be a full time housewife, they moved to a quaint small town and it seemed as if the Grimes were living the American dream.

Rick wasn't sure when things between Lori and him began to unravel. It was somewhere around the time Carl was in the fourth grade. He noticed his wife becoming restless and irritated that he sometimes worked ten hours day, six days a week. She would fuss at him about the nature of his job, stating she was scared for his life every time he went to work.

"It's my job, Lori." Rick told her. "I thought for sure you knew the risks it brings with it when you married me."

"I know." Lori answered. "I know it's dangerous work. But I get scared sometimes, you know? I can't bear the thought of our son ever losing his father. You've been there long enough - couldn't you get a desk job or something by now?"

Rick shook his head. "No way, Lori. I didn't go four years of college and four more years busting my ass to get where I am today for nothing. I ain't sitting behind some desk…I belong out there. This is me, Lori. This is my calling."

She always stood by him even though he knew it stressed her out to the max. He became so engrossed in his work, practically obsessive about it, that he would be gone for days sometimes: working ten hour shifts and being too tired to make the drive home at night so he would sleep at the station. He wondered if that caused the downfall of their love life as well: he couldn't wrap his head around that they had gone from the couple who can't keep their hands off each other to the couple that barely touched.

One day they had a heated argument: Rick didn't know now what it had initially been about, who started it and who had won - he didn't remember.

But he did remember telling Lori to quit with her nagging, that he was doing the best that he could, that she needed to lighten up.

"I don't know if you love us anymore, Rick." Lori had said and Rick then saw Carl walk into the room, Spiderman backpack on his back, lunch box in his hand, ready for school.

"That was quite the thing to say in front of our son, Lori." Rick angrily spat at her later that night.

"I mean, what the hell?! The boy's getting ready to go to school and walks in and hears something like that…he probably spent all day thinking his daddy hates him _and_ his mama!"

"That's not what I meant!" Lori exclaimed. "I never said you hated Carl…or hated me. No." Lori paused for a moment and bit her lip.

"Rick, honey…I know you love us. I know that, trust me, I do. And I love you. I love you both so much it hurts…All I meant was…well, sometimes I feel like the love between us…it's not there anymore. It's gone…I mean, I know we're way past the honeymoon phase - but still, the love? The love has faded, Rick." She was crying and she wiped at her eyes and hastily retreated to their bedroom.

When Rick slipped into bed next to Lori that night, he leaned over and gently pulled back her hair. He nuzzled against her neck and whispered into her ear:

"I love you, Lori. I love you and Carl. I want you to know that no matter what happens: I will _never _stop loving you…I'll love you until the day I die."

Now, as he sat presently sat on the side of the road, bite wound still bleeding and time rapidly slipping away Rick realized that what he had said remained true to this day.

_I guess this will be the day I stop loving you, Lori. _He thought as he slipped his wedding band back on his ring finger.

He let his mind wander to Shane briefly.

_Shane. My best friend…my brother, practically. _

If there had been anything at all that should have made Rick stop loving Lori: it should have been her affair with Shane. If anybody in the days before the outbreak ever would have suggested to Rick that his wife and his best friend from childhood would engage in an extra-marital affair with each other: Rick would have laughed in their face. Shane had always liked Lori and he treated her cordially. Rick often had to put other men in their place when he caught them staring at Lori a second longer than they should have but he never saw Shane giving Lori the eye. Sometimes he drove himself crazy wondering if maybe, somehow the affair started before the outbreak, back when he was so oblivious to his wife's needs but he often dismissed the thought.

_No. _Rick thought. _It started after she thought I was dead…He told her I was dead. And he actually had good reason to believe I was dead. He took good care of her and of Carl. Led them to safety…they thought I was dead…they leaned on each other…they got attached…some things happened…but then I showed up. Never before had I seen Lori look so amazed like she did…And I never seen Shane look so disappointed either…by that time - he really wanted me to be dead…he had fallen for her…he was going to be the new "Rick" in hers and Carl's lives. He couldn't stand the fact that Lori told him off for misleading her…that she came back to me…chose me over him. It drove him crazy…it drove him MAD._

Rick closed his eyes and let tears roll down his face as he remembered what become of his relationship with Shane and how it ended.

_You drove me to it, man. Shane, you son of a bitch…I loved you, man…but we both loved the same woman…it wasn't going to work anymore unless one of us was gone._

When Lori had told Rick she was pregnant, he knew instantly the baby she was carrying was not his. He quickly did the math in his head and figured she was too far along for the baby to be his but he didn't care. He was going to raise that baby girl like she was his own. In his last days, Carl had become so distant to him that Judith was like the one little piece of Lori Rick had left in this godforsaken world. And he cherished that little piece of Lori.

Rick could feel himself slipping in and out of consciousness and knew his time was running out. He was going to die and he if didn't hurry up and stop reminiscing; he was going to come back as a walker.

He reached for his Colt python, his trusty weapon he carried so long. He used to like to call it his "Clint Eastwood gun" but Lori had once jokingly said, "Yeah, it's a bad-ass gun but it's kind of _sexy _in a way too."

Rick smirked at the memory. _Me and my "sexy Clint Eastwood gun". _Rick opened the cylinder, saw one bullet left in the chamber, and then flipped it shut.

_Never thought it would come to this…what a horrible way to go…but you do what you gotta do. _

Rick lifted the gun up to his head and as he went to pull the trigger; he paused one last time. He could of swore he heard music somewhere. Possibly from the farm house behind him but Rick shook his head, he knew he hallucinated sometimes, but never imagined any sounds before.

_Why would they be so dumb to play music?! _Rick thought, incredulously. He shook his head again, a bit harder than before, but he still heard it.

It was an old country song: one he hadn't heard in years since his grandfather passed away who loved to play the album with this song on it.

_He said I love you 'til I die/She told him you'll forget in time/As the years went slowly by/She still preyed upon his mind…_

_I went to see him just today/But I didn't see no tears/All dressed up to go away/First time I'd seen him smile in years…_

Rick realized he was no longer crying but smiling. He was grinning ear to ear while he lay bleeding to death on the side of the road, gun pointed at his head, finger on the trigger.

_I stopped loving you today, Lori. I told you I would...I wasn't kidding…I love you._

With a simple squeeze of the trigger, he made good on his promise and he finally stopped loving her.


End file.
